PIGS

There once was a boy who lived on a farm.
He looked up in the sky one night and said "You know up there in the sky there are sheeps and goats and cows and chickens and pigs, on another planets just trying to find their way home."
So those sheeps built a giant spaceship to go up in the sky and bring those farm animals home.
When he tried to build his spaceship he looked around his home and saw there was nothing to build the spaceship out of except for eels and mercedez hood ornaments.
He went up in the sky and got to that planet with the farm animals.
When he got there he saw that it was easy to go around on the land.
But to get to the sky and the water and the core was difficult.
He found those farm animals an put them in his spaceship.
The sheep liked the goats, the goats liked the cows, the cows liked the pigs, but the pigs were straight.
These were the straightest of pigs, so straight they could never be swayed.
The pigs tied books to their heads and came back to the farm.
The boy saw the pigs and said "Pigs don't have books on their heads this is New Zealand."

The End

9/14 – Whiny old man, my dad, and the edge of the world

Most of this series of dreams were forgotten, but the early portion involved my dad complaining about how unhappy he is with his life. He said he’s leaving me and my mom and moving to China. I was thinking, “Is this supposed to distress me in some way… because I’m 23 yrs old.” I told him “Stop being a little girl you’re just depressed cause you don’t have any friends.” And with that he left. I then think that he just bluffing so I look up my hacker friends on the internet and ask them to track down and triangulate my dad’s cell phone. After doing that, I realize I don’t have any hacker friends on the internet, so I have no idea who I just contacted.

The later portion involved me having to bring a message to god that Satan’s army is coming for heaven. They’ve already destroyed the Greek polytheist version of heaven and now they’re coming for the Christian version of heaven. There was another guy with me who’s supposed to be guide or something, and the way we’d reach heaven is by going to the edge of the world and riding the giant geysers to heaven’s entrance which is a hatch door in the sky. We get to the edge of the world by swimming there because up until the edge of the world is just a tropic beach like in The Truman Show. At the edge, there are wooden fences painted red and beyond the fences are swirly waves of landscape made of red wooden planks. My guide and I are trying to figure out how to ride the geysers up to heaven because we could just get on top of them, they would rip our bodies to shreds. I had the idea of building a chair of some sort and using that to ride the geysers, but before we could do it I wake up.

- The edge of the world

9/13 – The gang of old competitive runners

I’m in some sort of art school entrance exam where we have to recreate a piece of art that we’re only allowed to look at for 10 seconds. Mine was a little sculpture thingy made out of blobs of blue and brown clay. In the middle of it, a janitor comes over and I suddenly feel the urge to poop. I see a toilet and I use it, but when I finish the toilet turns into a trash can and I feel embarrassed and confused. Luckily the trash can had a flush on it and I flush, so at least now I have some way of justifying why I pooped in a trash can. Another examiner comes around and asks if I’ve forgotten what my original sculpture looks like, and I say “Yes” because lost track while pooping. He shows me the sculpture again and it turns out to be a bus made out of clay. I get really frustrated because now I have to start over again.

Eventually I give up on the exam thinking I’ll never get in any ways and I start seeing a film on the sculptures we had to recreate. Turns out a long time ago there was a group of competitive runner that were all friends and one of them had died and the sculptures were the different memories of the surviving runners of their dead friend. They rode in a bus together, hence the bus. And the friend was killed by a car accident, hence the blobs of clay. The film then cuts to a movie trailer looking scene with all the surviving runners, and they’re all old now. One of them was a creepy old Asian guy, one of them was a black guy that looked like Danny Glover and had a prosthetic penis, and the last guy that I saw before waking up was a black midget to whom the Danny Glover look-alike takes his prosthetic penis and throws it to him.

8/30 – Flying school bus

For some reason I’m at a Best Buy type electronics store in DC. I quickly peruse all the useless gadgets there and decide there’s nothing worth purchasing. I leave the store and get onto a bus to get to the metro, but the bus is a school bus and takes off with its airplane wings and jet engines. I find nothing wrong with this because it seems pretty cool that I’m on a flying school bus. I ask where the bus is headed and someone say Stranton, MD in northern Montgomery county, and once again having never heard of Stranton, MD and me living in Arlington, VA didn’t bother me because I’m in a flying school bus.

The bus stops somewhere and everyone’s herded into an office building where we’re sitting in a circle and a guy in a suiting starts talking to us. I think he’s trying to sell time share or something. Obviously I’m bored, so I look around the people in the circle and start some sort of graph-theory type plan in my head on who’s most likely to go pair off and start having sex. The time share guy takes a break and everyone goes to get coffee or something, and I naturally gravitate towards a window. When I look out the windows and see large fissures opening on the ground below and millions of imp demon monsters pour out of them. The imp monsters start killing people so I tell everyone we need to block the doors, and then I wake up.

8/24 – Capital One the Chinese restaurant

I still work at Capital One but instead of a credit card company it’s a Chinese restaurant. We have two stone crates shaped like Styrofoam coolers outside for the people that want the buffet. One of the crates has vegetarian food in it, I think it was bok choy, and the other had some sort of chicken with brown sauce. Before dinner time starts, I empty the buffet crates into containers to be stored. Somehow I discover the vegetarian crate had smoked sausages at the bottom. My real co-worker Ran comes out and I ask if I should clean the crates, but he says we never clean them. I thought that was disgusting so I do clean them.

Later another real co-worker Onkar comes out and tells me to put menus in the crates, so I had to run a Polaris NPV model with the appropriate risk factors to produce the menus. He then tells me what defines a jr. and sr. analyst is how experienced he is with our models, and I tell him all the models do is produce the food menus.

When dinner time is about to start, Ran, Onkar, and I are sitting on an outside patio table and a gay man and his almost human sized gay dog comes to the restaurant. He asks if he can wrestle with his dog inside the restaurant. My co-workers and I just looked at each other because we all thought that was pretty weird. I was going to tell him yes because I really didn’t care what he wanted to do. A manager comes out and tells the guy that we’re kind of a family establishment and the man agrees to not wrestle and goes with his dog to the bar and starts sipping on cosmopolitans, that how I concluded they must be gay.

8/20 – The bee with the flickering bluish white LED style tail light

The one where I'm somewhere I've never been before. I join an academic decathlon type school organization and somehow become boyfriend girlfriend with a hot indie chick. The decathlon organizer is a crazy middle aged lady that would scream at me and tell me to go kill myself whenever I answered a question. I then find out that it’s because my green cloth woven bracelet was broken when I pull it out of my pocket. Until mid-way through the dream I think she’s the antagonist, but some secret underground organization comes around and kills her.

After she’s gone, things still don’t feel right. I end up in the library where I’m talking to a librarian like in that movie Behind the Mask-something-something-Leslie Vernon. The librarian says it’s my girlfriend who has some sort of evil spirit within her. Next thing I know she pops out of nowhere and I grab her by both feet and start swinging her by her feet like a baseball bat into the library cabinets and shelves. After doing that for a couple minute, which I assume if this were real life the girl would be dead, a bee with a flickering bluish white LED looking tail light appears and the librarian says that’s the evil spirit. I somehow find a flip-flop and try to kill the bee, but after hitting it several times it doesn’t die. That's when I wake up.