Wednesday, October 28, 2009
He looked up in the sky one night and said "You know up there in the sky there are sheeps and goats and cows and chickens and pigs, on another planets just trying to find their way home."
So those sheeps built a giant spaceship to go up in the sky and bring those farm animals home.
When he tried to build his spaceship he looked around his home and saw there was nothing to build the spaceship out of except for eels and mercedez hood ornaments.
He went up in the sky and got to that planet with the farm animals.
When he got there he saw that it was easy to go around on the land.
But to get to the sky and the water and the core was difficult.
He found those farm animals an put them in his spaceship.
The sheep liked the goats, the goats liked the cows, the cows liked the pigs, but the pigs were straight.
These were the straightest of pigs, so straight they could never be swayed.
The pigs tied books to their heads and came back to the farm.
The boy saw the pigs and said "Pigs don't have books on their heads this is New Zealand."
Sunday, September 14, 2008
The later portion involved me having to bring a message to god that Satan’s army is coming for heaven. They’ve already destroyed the Greek polytheist version of heaven and now they’re coming for the Christian version of heaven. There was another guy with me who’s supposed to be guide or something, and the way we’d reach heaven is by going to the edge of the world and riding the giant geysers to heaven’s entrance which is a hatch door in the sky. We get to the edge of the world by swimming there because up until the edge of the world is just a tropic beach like in The Truman Show. At the edge, there are wooden fences painted red and beyond the fences are swirly waves of landscape made of red wooden planks. My guide and I are trying to figure out how to ride the geysers up to heaven because we could just get on top of them, they would rip our bodies to shreds. I had the idea of building a chair of some sort and using that to ride the geysers, but before we could do it I wake up.
- The edge of the world
Saturday, September 13, 2008
I’m in some sort of art school entrance exam where we have to recreate a piece of art that we’re only allowed to look at for 10 seconds. Mine was a little sculpture thingy made out of blobs of blue and brown clay. In the middle of it, a janitor comes over and I suddenly feel the urge to poop. I see a toilet and I use it, but when I finish the toilet turns into a trash can and I feel embarrassed and confused. Luckily the trash can had a flush on it and I flush, so at least now I have some way of justifying why I pooped in a trash can. Another examiner comes around and asks if I’ve forgotten what my original sculpture looks like, and I say “Yes” because lost track while pooping. He shows me the sculpture again and it turns out to be a bus made out of clay. I get really frustrated because now I have to start over again.
Eventually I give up on the exam thinking I’ll never get in any ways and I start seeing a film on the sculptures we had to recreate. Turns out a long time ago there was a group of competitive runner that were all friends and one of them had died and the sculptures were the different memories of the surviving runners of their dead friend. They rode in a bus together, hence the bus. And the friend was killed by a car accident, hence the blobs of clay. The film then cuts to a movie trailer looking scene with all the surviving runners, and they’re all old now. One of them was a creepy old Asian guy, one of them was a black guy that looked like Danny Glover and had a prosthetic penis, and the last guy that I saw before waking up was a black midget to whom the Danny Glover look-alike takes his prosthetic penis and throws it to him.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
The bus stops somewhere and everyone’s herded into an office building where we’re sitting in a circle and a guy in a suiting starts talking to us. I think he’s trying to sell time share or something. Obviously I’m bored, so I look around the people in the circle and start some sort of graph-theory type plan in my head on who’s most likely to go pair off and start having sex. The time share guy takes a break and everyone goes to get coffee or something, and I naturally gravitate towards a window. When I look out the windows and see large fissures opening on the ground below and millions of imp demon monsters pour out of them. The imp monsters start killing people so I tell everyone we need to block the doors, and then I wake up.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Later another real co-worker Onkar comes out and tells me to put menus in the crates, so I had to run a Polaris NPV model with the appropriate risk factors to produce the menus. He then tells me what defines a jr. and sr. analyst is how experienced he is with our models, and I tell him all the models do is produce the food menus.
When dinner time is about to start, Ran, Onkar, and I are sitting on an outside patio table and a gay man and his almost human sized gay dog comes to the restaurant. He asks if he can wrestle with his dog inside the restaurant. My co-workers and I just looked at each other because we all thought that was pretty weird. I was going to tell him yes because I really didn’t care what he wanted to do. A manager comes out and tells the guy that we’re kind of a family establishment and the man agrees to not wrestle and goes with his dog to the bar and starts sipping on cosmopolitans, that how I concluded they must be gay.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
After she’s gone, things still don’t feel right. I end up in the library where I’m talking to a librarian like in that movie Behind the Mask-something-something-Leslie